A Dark Dream

I just awoke from perhaps the darkest most disturbing dream of my life.

After a long awaited reunion with my family and a bit of fanfare, we began to get into the normal swing of our lives for the rest of the day. But there was something telling about the subtle comments and eye motions my parents made as they made presumably casual conversations with me. Their deep religiosity is not generally of much concern to me, as to the best of their knowledge, even by their own moral standards, I have made few transgressions. After a while, the topic of some personal friends of my parents came up, and my mother almost instantaneously was swept into a horrible spell of crying. As she wretch agonized with tears, my dad told me that their friends would marry, and that it had been decided the marriage ceremony would be held as an orgy. Given that a marriage, in my parent's world, is primarily a religious sacrament, to hold an orgy at one's marriage would be one of the most blasphemous acts possible. Participation in such an activity would sure bring eternal damnation upon ones soul. Through my mother's tears, she turned to me and said, "WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING ? We received a letter last week filled with black ashes, and a small note which said 'These are the ashes of your son's soul, for it burns now in the fires of hell.' "

I didn't sleep enough last night, so after a 5-6 hour hiatus from sleep in which I attended class and ate, I was able to return directly to an extended REM period. Though I slept little more than an hour, I felt certain as I awoke that I had been sleeping for 8 hours or more. This is what I dreamt. Given that our dream states can control our emotions beyond the extent to which they might be affected as a consequence of the actual content of the dream, this dream was profoundly disturbing.

Reflections

My sexual world and experiences are at times defined in a large part by my tendency to slip in and out of full consciousness during sexual activities. As such, I have been pondering the deeper implications of the two following events:

• I was having sex. I guess it should be quite possible to fall asleep on the bottom, but I feel asleep and entered a deep REM cycle while being on top. My entire visual field was seemingly integrated with the visions in the dream in a somewhat hallucinatory manner. Which each pump into the vagina cavity I saw a gigantic spider sprint across my room, carrying on his back a single TCP packet. I knew that when all the packets had arrived, my file download would be complete, and the 'final event' would come. (In that state, I was not capable of recognizing the final event to be conceptually equivalent to 'orgasm'.) This did not seem in the least bit strange to my sleeping mind.
• I was beating off to some pornographic images. Often during such time I will get distracted by a thought or question (like for example, what is the protein content of one bag of bean sprouts ?). Usually it is not problematic, as I can very quickly open Google, find my answer, and then return. Unfortunately during this particular time, I was also passing in and out of consciousness. As such I began to click the mouse at the will of my sleeping mind. After about a minute I returned spontaneously to full consciousness, only to realize I was near orgasm, and staring at a rather unflattering picture of myself.