Underpants Tags - Sometime They Get Crusty

So you're finally fat enough that your mum can tell your little brother's underwear from yours by sheer size, and there is no worries about confusion with your dad's — mum need only give you the stack without all those skidmarks. If you are so lucky as me in these two regards, this is to say the little '46' brand tags are no longer serving their purpose in differentiating and there is no point in letting them continue to go to waste! ESPECIALLY WHEN they have gotten crusty from 8-9 years of service and are scratchy on your backside. Quickly head to your underwear drawer and peel off as many as you can without actually damaging the elastic band. Tip: The oldest crustiest underwear with inelastic elastic tend to be the most conducive to having their tag peeled away. Now you need ask yourself but a few question to find a good use for all these tags: how comfortable would YOU feel if you saw a '46' criggly old man's underwear tag laying on the counter at the all-you-can-eat Chinese, on the keyboard of a public library internet terminal, or simply had it ACCIDENTALLY handed to you amidst a stack of crinkled bills and tip if YOU were the pizza deliver boy collecting delivery pizza money? You'd have questions for sure, and not to say this conclusively and definitely (hey, different strokes for different folks), but: you probably WOULDN'T be terribly pleased at the prospect of having to touch it. Got the idea? GO!

Hot Chocolate Mixing Delimma Solved!

I solved the eternal dilemma of how to mix your hot cocoa without dirtying more silverware that you know you are too lazy to clean later, and simultaneously avoid sacrificing the trees needed for a chopstick (as well as leaving one lonely chop).

USE YOUR TOOTHBRUSH. Ever realize how rarely your sterilize it yet willing you put it in your mouth twice daily? Simultaneously accomplishing two things: (1) mixing without using silverware (2) stirilizing the toothbrush with boiling water.

To those idiots who question the sanitation of my technique, need I remind you — you would have been putting that sucker in your mouth for months down the road \\ likely without any sanitation in between so WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? So you swallow some chunks that were boiled to germ death along with the chocolate. Is it so much worse that swishing them about and spitting them out later? It's not like you aren't jamming some in there while brushing others out.

By the way, to my friends reading this and who previously marveled at the COMPLETELY UNORDINARY TASTE due to the 'secret' ingredient in my otherwise exceptionally ordinary Swiss Miss powder-derived hot cocoa that I have served you at my home — rather unintentionally, it seems my secret has now been let out of the box here, huh? Well, whatever, just please give me credit if you serve your own guests. =D

*SLEEP THROAT-RAPE DEMON*

Many mornings I awaken with an inexplicable raw and dry throat. I've concluded this does not coincide with any standard medical symptoms, nor is the cause environmental in any respect. Such can only be attributed to the work of a sleep throat-rape demon. I've concluded that this creature finds me amidst a very deep state of sleep, so that I will not be easliy roused. At this point he may gas me with some substance, or possibly injects some such that I will remain unconscious until long after the conclusion of his work. Thence he prys open my mouth and inserts his genitalia, face fucking me to his thorough content, and necessarily my throat is worn raw. 

Needless to say, I am not in the lest amused by the actions of this vile creature. I will do everything in my power to end this cycle of abuse, limited but to the utter annihilation of its causation. If you are the throat-raping sleep demon, and you are reading this--you are going to be one sorry son of a bitch when I find you.

Violence against environmentalists—thoroughly justified.

Next time you take a shit and have to flush 3 fucking times just to get the load down safely without worrying it will overflow, like shitting isn't stressful enough, remember—and take your hatred AND PROPENSITY FOR PRIMAL VIOLENCE out on a fucking environmentalist. Thank them for the fact that you MUST flush the toilet 3 goddamned times EVERY time you want to let a warm wet load out of your ass, because of the federal law this idiotic ideology has legislated mandating a limit upon the amount of water which can be expended in a single flush. Drive the fact home with a force that puncture the flesh of these thugs.

I'm not ready and sure this particular problem is worth my ultimate inevitable march towards doing something or other well justified that is a deserving and worthy cause of the prison sentence it will entail, but just to put the idea out there: when you read shit like Hannibal the cannibal and these Germans willingly eating each other's cocks and cannibilizing each other, and these Austrians keeping their pregnant sex slave daughters in the basement, I wouldn't IN THE VERY TINY LEAST have anything short of a very contented smile on my face if I SO HAPPENED to read in the paper that a contingent of environmentalists were captured by the SICKEST OF SICK a group of escaped mental institution psychopaths, and I'm sorry to imagine psychopathy often precludes such great organization as would be required, and strapped them down and strapped their mouths open and STUFFED THEM WITH SHIT on a daily basis just like those disgusting quails or whatever the French stuff and engorge with food to no end and tie their mouths shut in preparation for cooking them up and some good eating some time later.

JUSTICE CAN EXIST IN THIS WORLD, IF ONLY SOMEONE OUT THERE HELP MAKE IT A REALITY. IS THIS GIVING YOU ANY IDEAS?

Quick Tip: Entering the tunneling vortex in the toilet.

Once I urinated into another universe. You see if you perfectly syncronize your urine stream to within 10 milliseconds of the swirling flush vortex such that 50% of the urine enters the vortex before mid-flush, and 50% enters after mid-flush but before flush completion, then it will pass through. Once I believe I got a turd through, and I really laughed my ass off wondering if it rained down in another world and hit somebody in their freshly dry-cleaned clothing right on the head.

SugaBaba Can't Get It Up Without A Camera In Hand

SugaBaba, a legend and one of my heroes of InternationSexGuide.Info fame, on video addiction:


"I must be a video addict. Just having sex with a fresh, virtually untouched 19 yr. old was not satisfying in and of itself because I couldn't take pictures. At this rate, I'm afraid I won't be able to bone any girl without a videocam glued to my hand. I may not be able to get an erection if my videocam batteries are not fully charged, and a spanking new blank tape is not inserted and ready to go. A video sex addict is what I have become. Is there any hope of return to normalcy? Can I ever have sex again without pondering how to frame the shot, compensate for lighting, and edit for non-monotonous variety of scenes? Sex will never be the same. I'm hooked on viedo sex. Need to contact Rob Lowe, maybe he can give some advice." origin 

Who are the best cocksuckers?

Another fantastic quote from my massive collection:

"Another topic which was discussed at length was the issue of straight men in the gay porn industry (i.e. "gay for pay"). One of the featured actors self-identified as straight, as apparently do many others actors in the industry (it's apparently not unheard of to film a sex scene where all of the actors involved personally identify as straight). Many of the gay actors in Shooting Porn had mixed feelings about what "straight" really means in this context, and one was pretty skeptical that any gay porn actors are REALLY straight. His frank summary of the matter: "I don't buy it at all - I've worked with so many guys who claim they're striaght, and stress they're straight, and frankly they're the best cocksuckers around." " 

from Review of "Shooting Porn"

World Record Cunt Bitch, Zhang Ping Pong!

Would tearing this bitch's eyeballs out of her sockets and shoving one up each chute at the bottom be sufficient punishment for the disgust I feel reading a single paragraph of her text? Not really. But if we could get the whole of the continent of Africa, all the males, to line up and creampie her — using garden holes to stab a deeper hole in her innards each time it overflowed and began to leak, that would be a start IMHO:

---

Chinese Feminist Seeks Men 
posted: 2002-3-14 


Hi, my name is Zhang Ping Pong. I am 27 years old, a graduate student at Beida in Feminist Studies. I have studied at UC-Berkeley and UCLA. Whether I am attractive or not is none of your business. I am a highly intellectual Chinese womyn. I am seeking 4-6 North American and European men for a criticism roundtable discussion. I want to find out why you essentialize Chinese women and why you find it necessary to be hegemonic sexual predators. I am fascinated with this aspect of the male ego and its anthropological implications. Although I myself find the thought of coitus with a man reprehensible, I will try to keep at least one part of myself open--my mind--to your explanations and justifications for the exploitation of my Chinese sisters. Be warned that other evaluators will be present and all of us carry Sichuan pepper spray canisters. We will, however, attempt to restraint ourselves in the event of your provocation and neo-colonialist posturings.

Email: wikiwiki97@yahoo.com

---

I know how bad you want to cuss her out,... but — I hate to tell you I collected this email about 6 years ago. I don't know of the address will work. If it does, please report back in the comments so the rest of us can take action!

More Bareback Oral Sex With Trannies

Laughing my fucking head off today:

[Drugged in Thailand.] writes: "Hello Dr . I hope im not being a pain but i need some professional advice. 4 months ago i was drugged by a ladyboy in Bangkok. I have flashbacks of performing oral sex on this person. I also remeber him taking off a condom before putting his penis in my mouth. To cut a long story short. I still ahve meningism , swallon glands and dry mouth and upset tummy." origin

Big Slong: One Of My Personal Heroes

The man's self-introduction:

"Ok, let me tell you a little more about Big Slong. I am 66 years old, and have had my way with over three thousand women! . I am retired, independent wealthy, and I'm going out like Nicolas Cage out of "Leaving Las Vegas", except not with the booze, but with the pussy! . I believe in banging as many chicks as possible, throughout the world, and very rarely wear protection (never have liked that raincoat stuff)! . All of these women know that not only do I screw their bodies, but I screw their soul's! . After an encounter with me, their lives are never the same! I have 13 children (that I know of), and the bottom line is whether a chick is a pro, semi pro or civilian, when I see something I like, I have to have it! . Whatever the price, cost or consequence to me or others. It seems there are a lot of members out there who do not like the confidence I have in myself, nor appreciate my length! . But make no mistake about it, . I am hung! At any opportunity, . out comes my Big Prick, and it stays out! . If it was up to me, I would never wear any clothes ever! Call it jealousy, envy, whatever. I am Big Slong! . I even changed my first name legally to Big Slong! It is on my drivers licence and everything! Currently I am living in Thailand, and invite anyone out there who wants speak with me “personally”, to send me a message, and we can meet up. I have even enclosed a picture of myself on this report so if you see me out at one of the go-go bars or at a disco to come up and say “hello”! I am a nice person, and am very “down to earth”. I just take my “work” and my way of life very seriously! At my age (and still going strong), I may be the last true monger of my generation! Perhaps now you guys know a bit more about me, I will get some respect!" - Big Slong from: WSGforum.com Thailand forum

I only hope to accomplish half as much by 66. GO SLONG!!!

Tootsie Rolls - Important Reminder

You should always eat a tootsie roll while you poop.

Think about it -- you want to put something into your body at the EXACT MOMENT that something of the same nature is coming out to make a cyclical symbiosis and life process actualized in symbolized reality. 

I almost always eat tootsie rolls while I poop -- keep them handy for quick unwrapping so that you can syncronize TURD FOR TURD, if you have short and long tootsie roll varieties, it is best if you can roughly match the outcoming turd size with the incoming tootsie roll size to keep good balance. If you have never tried drinking beer whilst pissing it out or driving in the winter with the window open and heater on full blast, the equal loss and gain of a substance to the body, you my friend are missing one of the finest pleasures in this dear life!!!

Forward this to your friends so that they can explurge waste in the safest, most life-building exemplary environmental way.

The Transvestite Experience

In the most poetic and inspiring words I've ever heard:

"It was my first night on my first trip. I was jetlagged, drunk and totally disoriented, and that was probably the best light in which to see Bugis Street. The market and all the little restaurant tables were packed with people. Then around midnight all of these transvestites came out of the shadows and moved amongst the tables. I had the kind of feeling you get when you are an adolescent and you start noticing girls for the first time: I was breathless at the sight of them. I didn't know what they were, didn't know what was underneath the clothes"

This is an excerpt from an interview that appeared in the Stickman Weekly column of 16 May, 2004. Captain Courageous is the webmaster of a very popular ladyboy website.

Etroblaqra

No, ancient, no mother. Fuck tropdicklying. AGAIN YOU KNOW, AGAIN YOU DID IT, I CAN'T WREAK EVERYTHING SPOILED. It ain't again sickface, the barrage has just bogus. BOGUS YOU FACE, BREAK THE TOIL.

NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER YOU.