Anal Hallucinations

I don't fancy American bathrooms, they're not designed to be sanitary or to sanitize without great inconvenience. Take the toilet -- why the fuck isn't it in the middle of a downward sloping floor with a drain so that it is so convenient to blast the thing with water (from the shower head) and clean it down, that it gets cleaned effortlessly and often? (And without nasty chemicals)

That brings us to the shower head. Not only is it permanently wall mounted, so that you can't clean your toilet, but you also have no way of cleaning your nastiest bit without doing a fucking headstand. Are you fucking kidding me?

So the best I can do when it's time is crank up the heat, make sure water is coming out full blast, and stick my ass as high up in the air as possible while spreading my ass cheeks and get that sucker clean as a whistle... but not clean as if America had proper fucking shower heads.

Anyway, ... every time I would spread my ass checks for the lovely blast of freshness I noticed that I would instantaneously start smelling the STRONG FUMING SMELL OF RAW UNKEMPT ASS. Of course, that's what one would expect when showering, yeah? You are showering cause you are fucking dirty, not fresh and clean.

But then it struck me, an epiphany of profound proportions...

How is it that I can instantaneously smell ass? Can the smell of ass travel faster than the speed of light?

Meanwhile, when I want to take a shower in a bathroom right after one of my brothers has taken a nasty shit -- I always run in with my shirt covering my mouth and nose and turn on the shower water full blast and jump in. I can almost totally avoid getting their shit smell particles into my nose in this way (though I HATE the fact that my eyes are unprotected -- and just to know that something from my brother's anus is in my eyes really freaks me out)...

I believe it is the water vapor that spreads through the room and absorbs those shit smell particles and neutralizes the smell so that all I smell is fresh water.

And this is what struck me -- if I use the shower to BLOCK the smell of ass, how is it that when I am fully submerged in a stream of strong water that the smell can escape without being fully absorbed in the water particles -- and still make it to my nose??

FUCKING EH MAN. FUCKING EH.

This is when I reached my profound conclusion -- the very act of spreading my ass cheeks mental prepares me to smell the smell of ass... and in this case actually INDUCES A OLFACTORY HALLUCINATION OF THE SMELL OF ASS!!!

Of course, I still need a friend's help to verify -- I want to spread my ass in the shower and let a friend get a whiff and see if he can actually smell any ass or it's just me.